Happy Mother's Day to all you moms, especially to my dear mother, who just hosted a fun weekend trip for us girls. I rode Amtrak to Tri-Cities, where my dad, brothers and grandmother live, and after spending the night at Neenaw's, rode to Spokane with Mom to meet Melanie. I toted along Miss Roz, who enjoyed her first train ride and made it quite interesting for me. Fortunately there wasn't much screaming involved.
We spent the weekend in Spokane to shop for Mel's wedding dress and found it at David's Bridal, or as Mel and I christened it, "David's Wide Bride." Sadly for the matron of honor (me), they had one dress - ONE - that was modest enough to wear without making me look 80. And I wasn't thrilled with it. After I tried it on and we took it up to the counter, with darling shoes to dye black and a cute little black satin purse, Mom made the mistake of asking me if I really liked the dress. Sorry, Mom, I don't love it and probably won't wear it again. We ended up putting it, and the darling shoes, back. Kept the purse, though. It's way too cute. I told Mom I'd wear my Napoleon T-shirt and jeans and just dangle the purse for everyone to see as I walk down the wedding aisle.
David's Wide Bride sucks because it can't get with the sleeves-and-shoulders thing. Apparently they think every woman in the world is fit enough to wear strapless, halters, or spaghetti straps without looking like Ursula the Sea Witch from Little Mermaid (read: major back fat rolls), because there's a whole lot of skin-showin' going on at that store. I saw more flesh yesterday than I did watching 10 minutes of "Porky's."
(DISCLAIMER: I have never seen "Porky's" and I understand it's a complete waste of time, life, film, and brain cells, but the name cracks me up, and I love that Weird Al used it as a reference in his song "Cable TV": "My friends are getting kinda worried... they think I'm turnin' into some kinda freak... but they're just jealous, cuz I've seen PORKY'S 27 times this week!")
So everyone was flashing the flesh yesterday, except for me, the token Mormon. People like me are the reason why they feature "cute little jackets" for modesty. I resent those stupid little jackets. "For you prudes who are ashamed of your bodies, we offer a fun satin bolero!" Why can't they just make their dresses with an actual top, instead of taking something you'd fall out of at the Academy Awards, and trying to prim it up with a jacket that barely covers your chest? You pay enough for these bridesmaid dresses you'll never wear again - you'd think they could actually slap on some material up top, instead of making customers shell out more cash for a ugly jade green matador jacket in the bargain. Maybe these jackets exist for weenie mothers who can't say "NO" to their daughters' slutty-looking prom dress choices, so they buy these little jackets and tell their daughters, "Now YOU WEAR THAT tonight!" Suuuuuuure, Mom.
OK, rant over. Melanie's dress is beautiful and we had a great time eating, watching TV at the motel, eating, shopping, and eating, in that order. All weekend Mom kept saying, "What if we all lost a whole bunch of weight before the wedding? Wouldn't that be great?" We all agreed it would be wonderful if there were less of us to love, come September. Then off we'd go to Olive Garden, and afterward to Safeway's to stock up on their 3 for $1 candy bars. Gotta have our chocolate. Yep, that weight's just gonna slide right off.
After eating another huge breakfast today at Perkin's and enduring the crusty looks from a table of obvious un-mothers next to us (Mom and Mel took off for the restaurant bathroom and Rosalind immediately launched into a nice loud tirade), we headed for home. Mom and I chatted and Roz, thankfully, napped the whole three hours to Pasco. Mom dropped us off at Neenaw's and here we are, enjoying some peace and quiet. Tomorrow morning we will catch the train and enjoy another lovely trip down the Gorge, and - best of all - there are no jade green boleros anywhere in sight.
Have a good one.