We had a theft, again, by a woman who has stolen from us twice before that we know of, and who will forever be known around the bookstore as "Eyebrows" because of her crazy makeup habits.
Kyle and I watched Eyebrows walk out of the store with a bottle of coffee without stopping to pay for it. I called "Ma'am" as she walked away into the main hall, but she was wearing headphones and very clearly ignoring us. I called Security at 8:41 AM and then went back to the staff area to tell Heidi what happened. I saw Dan in the doorway of Receiving and said, apparently too loudly, "She did it again!"
At the end of the hallway, Heidi and Stupid Monica immediately popped out of their offices, confirmed that the thief had stolen again, and Stupid Monica said, "If this happens again, let's be a little more discreet about it instead of announcing it into the hallway."
sigh. LIKE THAT IS IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. Hence Stupid Monica's nickname, "Stupid Monica". What the hell is wrong with the way I said it? Nothing - she's just neurotic and annoying as hell. I was gone for two weeks and already my level of rage with her has risen up to where it was before I left - in less than 24 hours! Way to go, Stupid Monica!
UPDATE: Before 1:00, one of our Security folks came through my line to buy snacks, and said that Eyebrows was trespassed from campus, and that she RESISTED. My stars and garters!!
I texted Dan, Ryan, and Kyle about this in our group chat, and Dan called her a "smelly pirate hooker" (he's an Anchorman fan). Cody and Damaris, to whom I showed Dan's response, had no clue this was an Anchorman quote.
UPDATE 2: Later in the day, we learned from Dan that the nickname "Eyebrows" did not fly well with Stupid Monica, who found it offensive that we would assign a slur to a CRIMINAL WHO IS HABITUALLY ROBBING HER STORE. She launched into a lecture about RESPECT, directed at Dan and Ryan, right there in their monthly meeting. The control-freakiness is strong with this one.