Lumpuckerroo

We have the lumpuckerroo (a word of my dad's meaning "unexplained and possibly fake illness" - someone would call in sick where my dad worked and his supervisor would say to the calling-in-sick employee, "Whatcha got, the lumpuckerroo?").

Except our illness isn't fake - unless you can fake vomiting six times in twelve hours - and I can explain it pretty well. A kid looks forlorn, he complains maybe once about his tummy hurting - and then, POW. We're on Child #2 now. Harrison was really great about getting himself into the bathroom after the 2nd or 3rd session, but now Roz has just come forth with the sickness. Yikes. At least she wears diapers.

On the bright side... I have a nice washer and dryer, and I just bought new laundry detergent and a gallon of vinegar today. So I'm all set for barf. Isn't that nice?

And now I have a big headache. Harrison and Rosalind haven't had headaches with their stuff, so I'm probably not about to be sick myself. I hope. I really, really hope.

UPDATE: No more pukers (knock on wood). I slept out in the living room with Roz so she could sleep on the sheet-and-blanket-covered loveseat and puke at will.

Multnomah Falls Babies

So sweet. 

Ages: B - 14; Bella - 11; H - 8; C - 5; R - 2

There's Nothing But Drama When...

If you're like me (I'm sorry) and you're an avid watcher of ER reruns on TNT, you've heard the fun little announcer guy between shows. His job is to keep us glued to the tube by announcing things like, "There's nothing but drama when...." followed by an exciting, but totally generic, tagline of the next show's plot - something like, "There's nothing but drama when Dr. Greene wakes up late for his shift. Next, on ER." Really, that could be said of almost any episode.

So I thought, wouldn't it be funny if he got really specific?

"There's nothing but drama when....

1) ...Dr. Kovac gets a disfiguring rat bite and must undergo difficult rhinoplasty. Next, on ER."

2) ...George Harrison comes back from the dead and haunts the ER, while his guitar gently weeps. Next, on ER."

3) ...Carter and Abby kill each other by having a lead-based paint ball fight, and Nurse Chuny becomes a man. Next, on ER."

4) ...the Munchkins from The Wizard Of Oz and the Nelwins (OK, Pecks) from Willow overrun the ER and pretend to be pituitary-gland-challenged children. Next, on ER."

5) ...Dr. Weaver is hit by the El and everyone throws a party. Next, on ER."

6) ...Benton discovers that not only was he admitted to medical school as a result of Affirmative Action, but that somewhere on his way to work, he stepped in a dog's 'accident' and is stinking up the operating room. Next, on ER."

7) ...Jerry and Frank, the fat desk clerks, decide they've had it up to here with uppity doctors and nurses, and traumatize patients when they streak naked through the halls yelling 'Yowza, yowza, yowza!' Next, on ER."

8) ...an absolutely asinine several-times-recycled plot is recycled yet again, including a love scene, gory heart surgery, smart remarks and a guy in the psych ward who threatens Elizabeth. Next, on ER."

9) ...rampant stupidity takes over, causing all the doctors' IQ to lower to 75 points, making them all eligible for that special school where they'll learn to re-tread tires. Next, on ER."

10) ...the entire ER moves to Africa, everyone is infected with the ebola virus, various cast members come out of the closet, their rat- and mosquito-infested shack blows up and Nurse Hathaway gives birth to twins. Next, on ER."

And... I'm spent. Feel free to join in.

The Girls - 14 & 20 January 2007

This was one of several cute little outfits Roz received for Christmas. It was tricky to find a shirt that didn't clash with the plaid skirt, so we went for basic off-white with matching tights (or "looses"). Thanks Aunt Kristy & Uncle Steve! Just so you know, I took these pictures after church - her hair looked better earlier in the day. Sorry you missed it.

Posing for pictures was quite the ordeal.

I really hope we vacuumed

Lil face

"Oh, let's put Roz's hair in curlers! Won't that be fun? Do you want curlers in your hair, Rozzie, so your hair will be all pretty and curly?"

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Yeah. That lasted about five minutes until she got so cheesed off, we had to take them out.

Mad baby syndrome

Bella was much more mature about it. She has my hair, so thick that if you put it up in curlers at night while it's wet, it won't dry completely overnight, and when you unroll the curlers the next morning, you're in for a disappointing hairdo.

Yeah, Roz.

I made a nice haul for my birthday. Most of this came from a monster sale Bed, Bath & Beyond had around that time. Thanks everyone!

SCORE

Rosalind

So cute.

She has her daddy's "tall" forehead, which is nice.

Carter & Rosalind

We received an Elefun game for Christmas, and if you're unfamiliar, it's an elephant with a fan inside and a long plastic trunk that shoots out little fabric butterflies. It comes with nets to catch the butterflies and whoever catches the most butterflies, wins. It was quite the popular toy this Christmas.

Look at the jowls on Carter - he doesn't have those now (June 2008). He's changed quite a bit in 18 months. We cut Roz's hair in summer 2007 so it'll be a while before she has pigtails that long again, but it was fun having such a tiny girl with such long hair.

2006 Family Pictures

Dad - he calls this his "Geez" (as in "geezer") picture

Neenaw and Jeremy at Ernie's house in Richland

Kiley & Zane

Dionysus

Christmas 2006

Merry Christmas! Here's our "skinny" tree we bought for our apartment. It fits right in the corner.

T Family Reunion - November 2006

We had a fun family dinner at Kristy's place of employment while we were in Utah for Thanksgiving. It was fun to see the relatives again.

Here's our family...



Uncle Ray, the back of Bella's head, Steve and Blair

At the table: Aunt Janeene, Amy, Brad's wife and son (sorry I don't have their names - someone please let me know who they are)

Jenny, Cami, David and two little girls (again - I need names)

Kristy (Pa in the background)

Cheese!

Brennan, Brad, little boy's head, Dad, Isabella

Rosalind

Uncle Ray and Mom

T Family Reunion - November 2006, Part II

Dad, Blair (behind Steve), Steve, Pa, Aunt Gloria

Uncle Ken

Harrison, Tyson, Carter

At the table: Dad, Steve, Pa, Blair, Bert

Jenny, Heather, Bert, Sherise, Aunt Gloria

Sherise, Mark's wife (sorry again), Aunt Gloria

The next generation: Bella, Reagan, Bailey, Tyson, Abby, Carter (hope I spelled everyone's name right)

KRISPY KREME AND WEIGHT WATCHERS DO NOT MIX

So I’m doing Weight Watchers, and so far (my first week), I’ve lost 1.4 pounds! And I love that little .4 because it allows me to say “pounds”!
 
Every day I’m allotted 22 points. Each food has a number of points – the lower the points, the more you can eat of it – and the point system is based on the food’s calories, fat grams and fiber grams. Monday I was horrified to discover that one Krispy Kreme glazed donut is 7 points – a third of what I’m allowed to eat all day. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

On Memorial Day, Bri had a hankering for Krispy Kreme donuts (I can’t think of a more traditional way to commemorate our war dead), and I thought, fine, I’ll just eat one, and I’ll figure out the points when I get home. Feeling like a total weight-loss nerd, I asked the 17-year-old behind the counter for the chain’s nutritional information. Hoping for a leaflet to take home and peruse at my leisure, I was instead handed a booklet that I had to give back; but as it turned out, there was no reason to keep that sucker. Once I read the horrible truth – all donuts are completely evil – it put me off Krispy Kreme for quite some time. No wonder you’re not allowed to take it home!

Each little Krispy Kreme glazed donut – no extra frosting, filling, sprinkles, etc. – has 300 calories and 12 grams of fat. 12 grams of fat! Where in this tiny donut do they put 12 grams of fat? I know the donuts are fried in lard, but are they also injected with big syringes of melted hog jowl? Worst of all, it’s the most nutritious donut they make! (Hee hee, I said “most nutritious donut.”) Yes, I ate one, but the whole time I was thinking, “Crapola! Something this fattening should at least take longer to eat.” Seriously, if I’m going to eat something this terrible, shove me a plate of fettucine alfredo. At least I’ll get full.

If I had a dime for all the times I gleefully tossed back 2 or 3 of those things, I’d be rich AND chubby. Sure, the nagging “you’ll get fat” voice bothered me a little, but I was always able to suppress it with more donuts. “What, Carter? You say you don’t LIKE the 800-calorie donut you took from the box and would like Mama to finish it? Well, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t?” ::SNARF::

So to sum up:

Krispy Kreme: Entrusting 17-year-olds with their evil donut secrets
Glazed Donuts: NOT a points bargain, and possibly full of melted hog jowl
1.4 pounds: What I lost in a week and probably gained back in 7.3 seconds
Fettucine Alfredo: More satisfying than a Krispy Kreme glazed donut
Memorial Day: Traditionally, the day set aside for sugaring up your family via donuts
Weight Watchers: Sure way to ruin all your donut-eating fun… but you’ll be healthier

Interview with the Roz-pire

Miss Princess Diva Rosalind recently traveled by train for the first time in her 21-month life. Here, our roving reporter interviews Miss Ross about her Amtrak adventures.


CS: So I understand you recently took your first train ride. How was it?
R: Lovely, thank you.
CS: What did you do on the train?
R: Well, on the way home, I napped for about an hour, which wasn't nearly long enough, but at least it gave Mommy a break. And, I invented this really fun game for Mommy and me to play called "Walk the Entire Length of the Train Multiple Times."
CS: Interesting. Describe this game.
R: Well, I started the game by throwing the hugest hissy fit known to man. I was extremely cranky and tired, but rather than go back to sleep, I thought it would be in the best interest of the entire carful of sleeping passengers to shriek, throw myself on the dirty train floor, and resist all Mommy's best efforts to pacify me. It didn't matter what she held out, I wasn't going to have it, and I made sure the whole car knew it.
CS: You poor little thing. How on earth did you ever get so tired?
R: Part of it was the 5:30 AM train departure time. Mommy had to get up at 4:00 AM, eat, finish the last bit of packing, and help Grandpa load the car. I helped her by sleeping until it was time to get on the train. Then I was WIDE AWAKE.
CS: Did anything else contribute to your off mood?
R: Mommy the Dingbat couldn't find her train ticket! I mean, the woman is 36 years old - shouldn't she be able to keep track of it? She spent a good hour on the phone at 11:00 the night before we left, talking to the Amtrak guy. He said that the lost ticket policy required her to buy a new ticket, fill out a form, and wait five months for a refund to arrive in the mail.
CS: Mommy sounds like a real twit.
R: Well, I wouldn't go that far, but she is really something.
CS: I bet. How did she react to this outcome?
R: Not well. Did I say I threw the hugest hissy fit known to man? That was nothing compared to Mommy's tantrum.
CS: It sounds horrible.
R: It was. I'm scarred for life.
CS: Oh, by the way, I'm curious... what did you do while she was on the phone?
R: Well, it was waaaaaaay past my bedtime, but I would rather be boiled in oil than actually go to sleep in the spare bedroom by myself. I mean, really - after two nights of sharing a bed with Mommy in the motel room in Spokane, did she actually EXPECT me to go to sleep alone? It was more than I could take.
CS: I can imagine! What torture!
R: I know. Again - scarred for life.
CS: So how did you get back at her?
R: I used the ultimate weapon... screaming hysterically. Mommy kept doing this really annoying thing: going into another bedroom and SHUTTING THE DOOR ON ME so she could actually hear the Amtrak guy talking to her! The nerve of this woman!
CS: She left you ALONE and SCREAMING?
R: Oh no, Neenaw was there. She kept trying to feed me, but again - I was having none of that. The one thing I wanted was to be in the same room as Mommy and scream my head off so the Amtrak guy could hear my tale of woe, but I couldn't even have that!
CS: Wow. Life is so unfair.
R: You're telling me!
CS: So what happened with the ticket finally? Did Mommy the Loser have to buy another one?
R: No. Good thing Grandpa was there. He was moving my car seat from Neenaw's car to his, and the ticket was underneath the car seat.
CS: Well, good. So it all worked out.
R: Yes, thank goodness. That's all I needed was for Mommy to pout about it all the way home.
CS: So back to the train game.
R: Yes. Well, after this huge fit, Mommy realized that I had the upper hand, and thought she better go along with my way of thinking. So we went for a walk. Up the train, down the train, up the train, down the train... it was ever so much fun.
CS: What did the other passengers think?
R: Oh, there were mixed reactions. Some were asleep, but every so often I'd nudge one and they'd wake up. I waved at others. Some older ladies really thought I was cute, so of course I dug that. Other people made comments to Mommy. One was, "She's just a mover, isn't she?" and one guy said, "Boy, she's got you trained." I could tell she felt like back-handing him across the head but she kept her temper.
CS: Who won the game?
R: Well, there I'm a little fuzzy. Eventually I wore out, and was happy eating whatever snack Mommy could dig out of her backpack. But then the train stopped and Daddy scooped me up and I was so glad to see him. So was Mommy, for some unknowable reason. Maybe we all won the game.
CS: Well, thank you for your time, Miss Ross.
R: I love you! Don't touch me! I love you!

You'll Love David's Wide Bride

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms, especially to my dear mother, who just hosted a fun weekend trip for us girls. I rode Amtrak to Tri-Cities, where my dad, brothers and grandmother live, and after spending the night at Neenaw's, rode to Spokane with Mom to meet Melanie. I toted along Miss Roz, who enjoyed her first train ride and made it quite interesting for me. Fortunately there wasn't much screaming involved.

Michelle Duggar Monday

Hope everyone had a great Easter! It tends to be an emotional day for me - suffice it to say that I am grateful for the Savior and His sacrifice. We had ham and funeral potatoes for dinner, Easter baskets (straw hats this year) with lots of chocolate and small toys, and enjoyed church (most of it, but I'm trying to decide how much of that negative experience I want to share - tease, tease).

Since I conked out immediately after dinner and slept till almost 9 PM, I was, of course, wide awake in the early morning hours. Watching TV while trying to fall asleep, I happened to catch The Learning Channel's series about the Duggar Family of Arkansas. Michelle and Jim-Bob are the parents of 16 children, including two sets of twins, and they are AMAZING. Watching them was a humbling experience. What kind of slacker am I with my paltry five children?

The first of the two hour-long programs focused on the birth of their 16th child, a little girl named Johanna Faith. Every member of that family looked forward to her birth. Living in the ultra-liberal Pacific Northwest, I've had my share of comments from zero-populationers who can't imagine why I would want more than one or two offspring, so Michelle's attitude was so refreshing: "Saying you have too many children is like saying you have too many flowers."

Yeah. Take that.

No Husbands Were Harmed in the Making of This Evening

Oh, the fun that ensued during our second monthly Kidnap Club meeting last night. Started in March when an innocent Italian dinner snowballed into an unprecedented evening of mayhem, the tradition continued with a Hawaiian-themed dinner, followed by – the horror! – more kidnappings of local women.

Tuesday's Top Five

Top 5 things I like putting on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese

"DIJON Ketchups! Mmmmm!”

5. Extra cheese
4. Salsa
3. Mustard and ketchup (sadly, not Dijon yet)
2. Salt and pepper
1. BARBECUE SAUCE

Sports Stats & Movie News

Harrison’s new soccer team, the Green Dragons, won their game, and he scored one of the three goals. He almost had more but the shots, although good, didn’t quite make it. The final score was 3-1. The game started late because the padlock on the goals was rusted shut and required bolt-cutters - it was the first time the goals had been used since last fall and they’re locked to each other so they can’t be stolen. Hubby remarked that winning the game was a good thing because the parents seemed to like him better afterward (he had doubts as to their confidence in him).

Carter’s game also started a touch late: after figuring out what field they were playing on, they finally commenced. The ref blew the whistle and both teams took off, trying to kick the ball in the same direction. Carter ultimately made a goal for the other team, the only goal that team scored in the game. Carter was so happy with himself that all Hubby said was, “OK, next time you need to kick the ball the OTHER way!”

So next time, Carter got in there, took the ball away from both teams – shoving best friend and teammate Nathan to the ground in the process – and scored ANOTHER goal, this time for his own team. Hubby, guest-coaching with Nathan’s mom Dawn, tried a series of combinations of players to try to slow down the scoring, but nothing worked… the final score was too many-1. Our team annihilated the completely-inexperienced-four-year-olds opposing team, which was unfortunate because many of the other team’s kids were crying at the end of the game. Awwww!

The new movie coming out in August, Snakes on a Plane, in the vein of so-bad-they’re-good movies (like UHF or Grease 2 and more recently, “The Grudge”), promises laughter, but not on purpose. The premise of the movie is pretty easy to guess... Suffice it to say that Hubby would not be getting on this plane for a million dang dollars.

In other movie news, the HubbyWifey family eagerly awaits seeing Nacho Libre, a Jared Hess-written-and-directed story about a Mexican wrestler (Jack Black, whom we loved in Orange County and School of Rock). Jared Hess co-wrote and directed the new Princess Bride of quotable movies, Napoleon Dynamite. We have no idea what the movie is about and really don’t care – it had us at “Jared Hess and Jack Black.”

Speaking of Napoleon – call us lowbrow, but we’re also dying to see The Benchwarmers, starring David Spade, Rob Schneider and Napoleon himself, Jon Heder, who is NOT dead. I watched part of a Comedy Central special about this movie and had to turn it off, I was laughing so hard – I didn’t want to ruin my future movie-going experience. See you at the movies! And if after reading this, you have a hankering to experience the glories that are UHF and Grease 2, you can read all about them at Fast-Rewind.com, an awesome 80s movie site.

Finishing off strong with this:

You Are Jan Brady

Brainy and a little introverted, you tend to think life is a lot worse than it actually is. And while you may think you're a little goofy looking, most people consider you to be a major babe.

What Brady Are You?

The Happy Day

We have really great days every so often, but today was a real keeper. First we had the boys’ soccer games, which were fun for the participants; then, having promised the kids we’d go swimming if their pigsty-resembling bedrooms were cleaned, we went to the new Firstenberg Center swimming pool. Let me tell you, if you live in this area and haven’t gone swimming there yet, you are MISSING OUT. That place is fun! It’s become my new favorite indoor swimming pool (Brigham City, Utah’s city pool being my outdoor favorite – this doesn’t take into account water parks like Lagoon’s).

This pool features a huge waterslide, guaranteed to make grown men squeal like little girls; an oval-shaped current area, which you can float along in one of their provided inner-tubes; a kids’ area, shallow, with toys; lots of underwater benches; and a regular lap swimming area. We all LOVED it. Rosalind, this being her first time, did the typical "our kid" thing: clutch Mommy and cry at first; stop crying; start smiling; start kicking and splashing; thoroughly enjoy herself; cry when it’s time to leave. Her favorite spot was in the corner of one of these underwater benches – she sat there and grinned and kicked her little feet under the water and had the most awesome time. We recommend it.

After wearing ourselves out at the pool, we dinnered and jammied the kids, and took off on a date. There were no complaints from the kids because they’d had such a great time at the pool – and were practically comatose as well. We went and stuffed ourselves at Hometown Buffet. Hubby’s desire to eat there surprised me, since he’s never been much of a buffet guy, but he was willing (as I always am). The food was, you know, buffet food.

Afterward, we spent a few minutes at Target, looking at DVDs and talking to our ward friend Brittany Thu..., who will be off to BYU-Idaho next month. Alas, the first season of Arrested Development isn’t on sale yet.

Then Winco, for some necessary groceries; and then Barnes & Noble. By this time it was 9:45 and it was only open for 15 more minutes, but that didn’t matter. I found the book I want to get, Body For Life. Of course, this being Barnes & Noble, the book cost $50,000, so I’ll wait until I can check it out at the library or get it in paperback. Hubby, stuffed, followed me around, always a good sport.

We came home to only two awake children, and the house was still picked up because they hadn’t been able to move. Friends, I believe we’ve stumbled across something here… on Saturdays, you take the kids swimming before dinner, you feed them, you throw them in front of a DVD, you leave, you come home, everything’s happy and everyone’s clean. Ahhhh.

Mood Ring Trauma: Do we need a ring for this?

6-year-old Harrison has a cute little mood ring he wears on his right pointer finger. He got it from the gift shop at Multnomah Falls last year. It's a cool ring - a silver band with the "mood liquid" set in the band, going all the way around. I wouldn't mind having one!

Sunday we had a scary moment when he couldn't find it. We had been on a nice, long post-General Conference feast walk, when suddenly, it was missing! For a moment we panicked, knowing there was NO WAY we were going to find it - until it was discovered safe on his left hand.

Last night he came into my room, completely alarmed, and said, “Mommy, my mood ring is broken!”

“Uh oh, what happened to it?”

“I don’t know, but [voice is now an octave higher] now it’s broken and I DON'T KNOW WHAT MOOD I'M IN! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”

Nephi: Not a Whiny Girly-Man

Funny little moment as we were watching General Conference this morning: Sister Anne C. Pingree, second counselor in the Relief Society general presidency, recounted the story of Nephi’s obedience when called upon to build a ship: “Whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make tools…?”

I said to my family, “I’m glad the Lord asked Nephi and not me to build a ship. I probably would have said [in a high-pitched whiny girly voice]: ‘A SHIP? I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BUILD A SHIIIIP!’”

Bella: “Well, Mommy, Nephi was a man, so he probably wouldn’t whine like that.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve known some pretty whiny men.”

Hubby, in a high-pitched whiny girly voice: “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”