But first: It's my day off, and while doing a deep clean of our bedroom, I'm spending some quality time with these ladies.
And now: I have a shrink appointment today. Let's see how well the makeup does.
Before
After
It was a good session, despite all the crying, or maybe because of it. My former church membership is still affecting my life in weird little tendril-y ways that I wish would just go away immediately, but Shrink says that I'm doing well and the rest will happen eventually.
We addressed the marching band thing and I decided that anything that has regular meetings or any sense of obligation or responsibility is not what I need right now. The thing that struck me about seeing the little calendar on the bathroom stall door at work yesterday was that all the activities are voluntary, and no one is depending on me to do anything or be anywhere at a certain time or day. Attendance, or lack thereof, is up to me. There's nothing I'm obligated to provide or perform. It's just all fun, and none of it is being planned or executed by me.
It all stems back to the toxic sense of responsibility I've been carrying around since I was a little child, which the church perpetuated in a big way. I'm just done with it. Shrink says that after my years of motherhood and church membership, it's understandable that I would be burned out and need a break.
So it's just community events now. That's my "church". If I feel like taking something on later in life, those associations will be available for me, but for now, I just want to play.
And play we did:
