The kids all seem fine, mostly - it's just what they did last night, during the night and this morning that are making me question it. Does Roz's teacher want her to show up with a barking seal cough? That's just one of many questions I'm pondering.
Roz's input: "I don't WANNA get well! I just wanna jump on the TRAMPOLINE!!"
I chatted with my friend Carrie C on the phone today. Love that girl!
A funny: This came from Religion Dispatches, written by Twitter users and collected by Joanna Brooks about our man Mitt Romney. Romney 2012!
So, how Mormon is Mitt Romney?
Mitt is so Mormon he’s related to the other Mormon presidential candidate and half of his own campaign volunteers as well.
...his campaign bus is a pioneer handcart.
...he'd call 19-year-old boys to serve as US ambassadors.
...his Israel policy will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.
...he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.
...he’ll ask the Senate to “sustain” his appointees by manifesting with an upraised hand.
...he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.
...that his campaign “oppo” team has done all the other candidates’ genealogy.
...he’s organizing his precinct walkers in pairs to knock doors with a very special message.
...he’d make the Book of Mormon required reading at the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
...that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”
...he’ll choke up and weep during his inaugural address. And then say, “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.”
...he’d commission a presidential motorcade built entirely of 10-passenger family vans.
...he will actually hang the Constitution up by a thread, just so he can save it.
...that he’s afraid to join the Tea Party because of Doctrine & Covenants 89.
...he’ll start the State of the Union with the words: “I wasn’t going to get up, but the Spirit just carried me up here.”
...his campaign biography begins, “I, Willard, having been born of goodly parents.”
...he will ask members of Congress to go home and pray about his economic plan.
...he’d ask the Elders Quorum to move him into the White House.
...that his first act will be to make July 24 a national holiday.
...he asks donors to stack chairs after fundraising dinners.
...he’ll award Ty Detmer, Steve Young, and Jimmer Fredette Congressional Medal of Honor.
...he refers to expatriates as “apostates” and non-US citizens as “Gentiles.”
...that his campaign slogan is “What do you know about Mitt Romney? Would you like to know more?”
...he’ll reroute the Freedom Trail through Palmyra, New York, Nauvoo, Illinois, and Winter Quarters, Iowa.
...he’ll rename the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms the Word of Wisdom squad.
...he’d do an ad for the LDS Church: “I’m a husband, father, and leader of the free world. And I’m a Mormon.”
...he isn’t as concerned about getting American youth jobs as he is about getting them married.
...he tried to convince CNN to let him bring a visual aid to the debate so he could turn it into an object lesson.
...that he refers to Congress as “The Great and Spacious Building.”
...that out of “concern for the one” he’ll invite Kim Jong-Il to join the fold.
...he’ll end every address with “hope you all get home without any harm or accidents.”
...he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.
...he’s already picked out a room in the White House for his year’s supply of wheat and beans, and he’ll require the White House Chef to rotate the food storage.
...he’ll replace the Secret Service with the Danites.
...his Secret Service codename will be Mahonri Moriancumr.
...he thinks Harvard is the BYU of the east.
...he thought the debt ceiling was something that could only happen in a temple.
...he doesn’t campaign: he “fellowships.”
...that he’s installing two basketball hoops at the inaugural ball so there’s a place to hang decorations.
...that he’ll change the name of “Cabinet Meeting” to “Correlation Meeting.”
...that if he got elected all of the White House Pyrex 9×13 pans would have a piece of masking tape on them with his name written in Sharpie.
...he has four cats named 1 Nephi, 2 Nephi, 3 Nephi and 4 Nephi. (4 Nephi is the small one.)
...that late last night he snuck out to put 5000 plastic forks in the lawn of Jon Huntsman. And after that, he heart attacked Rick Perry.
...that he’s going to rename the 101st Airborne as “The Stripling Warriors.”
...he won’t deport illegal aliens, he’ll just disfellowship them.
...he’ll rename FEMA the Federal Relief Society.
...he’ll start his acceptance speech with “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”
...that if elected he’ll require every state to have an Official Casserole.
...that the Marine Band will play “Praise to the Man” when he enters a room.
...that he’ll appoint Lavell Edwards head of the Department of Defense.
...he won’t allow advisers wearing non-white dress shirts to participate in cabinet meetings.
...he’ll rename the weekly presidential address “Politics and the Spoken Word.”
...that his cabinet would consist entirely of unqualified volunteers.
...he’d outsource the department of education to the Boy Scouts.
...he’d convene a linger-longer after cabinet meetings.
...he’d hang a copy of the Proclamation on the Family and a picture of the Washington, D.C. LDS temple in the White House.
...he has volunteers combing through old GOP voter rolls for less actives he can reactivate.
...he’d commission a Mod Bod undershirt to be engraved under the sleeveless dress of the Statue of Liberty.
...he’d put everyone in his stake on the inauguration invite list. Just because.
...he’d ask the Chief Justice to use a quad at his inauguration.
...he will add the phrases “every fiber of my being” and “beyond a shadow of a doubt” to the presidential oath of office.
...he’d plan a youth dance festival for his first 4th of July in office.