So I’m doing Weight Watchers, and so far (my first week), I’ve lost 1.4 pounds! And I love that little .4 because it allows me to say “pounds”!
Every day I’m allotted 22 points. Each food has a number of points – the lower the points, the more you can eat of it – and the point system is based on the food’s calories, fat grams and fiber grams. Monday I was horrified to discover that one Krispy Kreme glazed donut is 7 points – a third of what I’m allowed to eat all day. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!
On Memorial Day, Bri had a hankering for Krispy Kreme donuts (I can’t think of a more traditional way to commemorate our war dead), and I thought, fine, I’ll just eat one, and I’ll figure out the points when I get home. Feeling like a total weight-loss nerd, I asked the 17-year-old behind the counter for the chain’s nutritional information. Hoping for a leaflet to take home and peruse at my leisure, I was instead handed a booklet that I had to give back; but as it turned out, there was no reason to keep that sucker. Once I read the horrible truth – all donuts are completely evil – it put me off Krispy Kreme for quite some time. No wonder you’re not allowed to take it home!
Each little Krispy Kreme glazed donut – no extra frosting, filling, sprinkles, etc. – has 300 calories and 12 grams of fat. 12 grams of fat! Where in this tiny donut do they put 12 grams of fat? I know the donuts are fried in lard, but are they also injected with big syringes of melted hog jowl? Worst of all, it’s the most nutritious donut they make! (Hee hee, I said “most nutritious donut.”) Yes, I ate one, but the whole time I was thinking, “Crapola! Something this fattening should at least take longer to eat.” Seriously, if I’m going to eat something this terrible, shove me a plate of fettucine alfredo. At least I’ll get full.
If I had a dime for all the times I gleefully tossed back 2 or 3 of those things, I’d be rich AND chubby. Sure, the nagging “you’ll get fat” voice bothered me a little, but I was always able to suppress it with more donuts. “What, Carter? You say you don’t LIKE the 800-calorie donut you took from the box and would like Mama to finish it? Well, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t?” ::SNARF::
So to sum up:
Krispy Kreme: Entrusting 17-year-olds with their evil donut secrets
Glazed Donuts: NOT a points bargain, and possibly full of melted hog jowl
1.4 pounds: What I lost in a week and probably gained back in 7.3 seconds
Fettucine Alfredo: More satisfying than a Krispy Kreme glazed donut
Memorial Day: Traditionally, the day set aside for sugaring up your family via donuts
Weight Watchers: Sure way to ruin all your donut-eating fun… but you’ll be healthier